For many of us, even after growing up, free from parental guidance and believed to be able to make wise decisions alone, we still seek permission all our lives to take bold steps.
Think about it, still a lot of adults seek mentors, life coaches, therapists, counselors, spiritual advisors, personal trainers, and even the government. Some say if you don’t have a mentor, you are not on the right path.
Some people prefer advice from close friends; some others want it from people in high places of authority and experience. People seek so much permission; so much that life coaching has become a large industry.
And what’s the thing with life coach experts, counselors and the likes? They definitely contradict each other.
Speaker A tells you “Motivation is important”, while Speaker B tells you, “I hate Motivation”
Garyvee may tell you, “I hate automation” ,whereas in a way, automation may be important for your type of business? It might not hurt to try to be like Garyvee, “OH – I GOTTA HATE AUTOMATION TO SUCCEED” , but you should probably ask him, “HEY GARY… DO YOU ANSWER THOSE EMAILS MANUALLY YOURSELF? OR YOU HAVE A TEAM?”
Now that is just an assumption. Before you try to copy someone’s lifestyle to success, you gotta know how they started, what they can afford now, and what you clearly can’t.
There’s something called Small Beginnings.
By default, a lot of us are raised with the notion that before making a big move in life, taking some daunting job, choosing a life partner or come to a definite decision on something, we need to get a pass from someone of high experience or authority.
As a kid, an authority figure you knew were probably your parents, teachers in school, church leaders, your school principal or a yelling neighbor.
You always needed permission to do things? Didn’t you?
Yet, as adults, I think a lot of us lock down the necessary control we need over ourselves, waiting for some green light before we do stuff we need to do – which we actually know needs to be done.
I think a lot of people are too scared to take responsibility for their own actions and misfortune. They seek permission from a higher authority, parents, speakers, therapists, spiritual advisors, counselors – and want to blame it on them if they fail even after walking in every of their foot-steps.
The day you start taking responsibility for your actions, your life becomes easier.
You begin to think of the way forward, instead of dwelling on whose wrong guidance and who is to blame. You need to start thinking your way. It’s your life and responsibility. If you fail or succeed, you will have all the freedom to blame whoever, but they won’t suffer the consequences for you.
Say, you finally made all your moves on your own accord, nobody to blame but you – and yet you failed? Would you feel embarrassed? Discouraged? Would you wish you never made an attempt in the first place?
Sometimes, you already see failure upfront, and just feel it’s worth giving a try, perhaps to gain some experience, then you have loved ones tearing up all around you, not wanting you to get hurt – clearly, they don’t agree with your plan.
This is where your self-esteem comes to play – having enough of it or less might determine how much of permission you will give yourself eventually.
You have to face the facts. Accept that your next big steps will be how you started the walk.
I’m not against having mentors, role models, seeing therapists and the likes, in fact I have a lot of them. But what I have always learned to do is pick the few important things about them applicable to me, including their advice and content. The mistake you could be making is trying to be like 10 authorities at the same time.
There’s still a you.
You need to start learning to trust your own judgment above that of experts or authorities in the field.
It’s okay to give yourself permission to Try Things Out, and Fail.